Trust, Forgiveness, Hope, Enjoyment.

Hi there and happy Wednesday! This morning has been so beautiful, full of sunshine and 60 degree weather, my favorite! I hope your morning has been just as lovely!

As I was journaling [Yes, I call it a journal because I feel like I am too old to say that I keep a diary] I had a thought and I think it may encourage someone else, so I am going to share. And if it doesn't encourage anyone else, maybe I will come across this post again and I will encourage me!

I know a theme within my blog has been enjoy. Enjoy life. Enjoy every aspect to every day. Enjoy the hard times and the really fun times. Lately, I have found it difficult to enjoy because I have been distracted. Sometimes, for me, it is difficult to understand that the Lord has truly forgiven me for every sin I have ever and will ever commit. After I repent, He forgives and moves forward. As wonderful as this characteristic of God is, I find it hard to recognize and live in a way that He has truly forgiven me.

As my last days at Liberty are rapidly approaching, I can say the biggest lesson I learned in college is, I can trust in my God and He will provide. He will always come through. He will always supply for my every, emotional, spiritual, physical needs. [It's pretty remarkable]

If I know the Lord will provide for my every emotional, spiritual, physical need- why do I doubt His forgiveness? I am not doing anything profitable by hanging on to guilt and living in fear. I am limiting myself and hindering my full enjoyment of life. I need to trust in God’s forgiveness and that means forgiving myself and moving forward. Trusting in His forgiveness is the best way to enjoy life. I need to trust that His model of forgiveness is the best possible way to live each moment.

 
Anyway, I am not even sure if this will make sense to anyone else, but it’s a thought I needed to find. Be encouraged that you are or can be free from your sins. You can live in the hope of the gospel and this will bring you true joy. Understanding that I deserve nothing and through Christ I have gained everything - that’s what gives me enjoyment, love and forgiveness to share from moment to moment.  - Happy Wednesday! :] 

Before I lose Focus... AGAIN.

So, I figured something out about myself this weekend. Shocker right? When will I know everything and never make mistakes again? When people?! :] 

I cannot stay focused.

I'm not talking about ADD or ADHD [Are those the same?]. I'm talking about real focus. I know I wrote about this before, but here I am wrestling with the same thing again, self-centeredness. [Is that a word?]

My family had a family verse growing up [Pastor's kids] it was something like, "Do not be focused on your own interests, but be focused on the interests of others." I remember once this summer I tried to quote it and totally messed it up I said something like, "Only look upon your own interest not the interest of others." ....and I WISH that's what the verse said!! You would think after 22 years of one family verse, I would remember it. [I guess that's a parenting lesson in itself.]

The type of focus I am talking about has really nothing to do with that verse, but it's a good thought. :] [Insert fun family memory there.   Check.]

How often do I live a day thinking about myself? What I can accomplish, what mistakes I made, what messes I need to clean up, what relationships I need to fix, what meetings I need to attend, what wrongs I have done... and so on.

Lately I have found myself overcome by fear and worry. Why? Well, I think part of it is the phase of life I'm in, alot of things are changing. And  because I am focusing so much on ME.

But, why am I focusing on myself? Why am I depending upon myself? Why am I staring at my failures and faults? Why am I living as though God has made a mistake in planning my life? Do I really need to take ahold of my life and worry and plan and fix things because God isn't taking care of things?

I have lost focus. When I focus on ME, everything seems really scary. When I focus on my strength, everything seems impossible. When I allow my sin to slap me in the face, It begins to reign.

But, when I focus on Him. God's love, mercy, justice, grace and perfection, everything seems to be okay. Why do I worry? Why am I fearful? Because I am thinking about ME. [UGH. So self-centered.]

 “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? ...... But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." [[Matthew 6]]

And for the days you can't stop worrying: 

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. Be of sober casting all your spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen.  [1 Peter 5]

And: "Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God." [Colossians 3]

Off I go to open my planner and get my day moving. Here's for trying to stay focused and trying to be a little less self oriented. Happy Monday... and stop worrying! [In case you didn't catch it the first time... it doesn't add a single hour to your life! annnnnd you're not in control anyway :] ] 

Warning: I use the phrase'Kick Ass' in this entry.

As we grow up we are always looking forward to the next step. I think it might be a girl thing. When I was in elementary school, I dreamed of high school... I was in high school and I dreamed of college. Now that I am finishing college, I cannot wait to be done and move along to a career! One common day dream for girls, are weddings. Now, some girls will deny it, but if they were honest they would admit to attending a wedding and while there comparing and brainstorming about your own. You know you do.

There are various reasons we all look forward to the next 'big things' in our lives. Maybe this part of life isn't as fun as we thought it would be. Maybe this phase is boring. Maybe the next phase is something we always dreamed about, or has more money... I'm not sure. But, I had an epiphany today... while day dreaming! 

I have always dreamed about being a kick ass wife. It's just a goal I've always had in mind. Since I am at Liberty... (The largest school in the world to support premature marriage, immature dating, and think rushing everything that has to due with relationships is a good idea) It has been a challenge to be surrounded by women and girls who are going to be wives, like by spring. So, naturally, day dreaming about becoming a wife happens.

So, then my epiphany... What would happen if, instead of dreaming about the next step, I took the time to prepare myself for the next stage of life? I day dream about my 5, 10, and 20 year plans coming true, (Yes, being a kick ass wife is on the 20 year plan) but the reality is they will never come true unless my heart is truly prepared for it.

So, Proverbs 31:

An excellent wife, [or kick ass wife] who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain. 
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight. 

She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.
She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.
She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hands grasp the spindle.
She extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
She makes coverings for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesmen.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.
She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
“Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all.”  

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates

My first thoughts:

1. I should learn how to sew... right? I swear, she made everything. 
2. If that passage sets the bar..I'm not ready to be wife.
3. This is the definition of a kick ass wife... So, I have much work to do.   

To break it down:

• Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future. I am in a major turning point of my life, as are my fellow college colleagues. I have no idea where I will be a year from now. I am going to have to move and find a real job, and it all seems so very stressful and scary when I view it on my own. But, the kick ass wife can smile at her future. I can only think, the smiling happens because she has the strength of the Lord and she knows what she deserves (something dignified), this creates peace. God, will provide. All the empty future holds for me is a world of opportunity to see God provides. So, smile at it.
  
  
• She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. How often do I open my too talkative mouth and say something SO unwise? I'll answer that, daily.  How often do I give unbiblical, worldly, selfish advice? Why am I not constantly encouraging all people I come into contact with? A kick ass wife does. She has the teaching of KINDNESS on her tongue?! The only teaching, I think, is on my tongue is sarcasm and the art of devaluing people.
  
  
• She looks well to the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. This one is my FAVORITE, because I was just thinking about it the other day. So, Facebook. Who has Facebook? Oh, everyone... even every one's grandparents, 1 year old cousins and household pets?!? Absurd... pets can't even type. Busybodies are a longstanding issue. "We hear that some among you are idle and disruptive. They are not busy; they are busybodies.  Such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and earn the food they eat. 1 Timothy." So, women, don't lie, we do like to sit around when we have nothing to do and 'catch up' AKA: gossip. That is a busybody. Back in the day, people just spread it word of mouth... But now, with FACEBOOK-- it is SO much easier to be a busybody! Being a busybody does not even involve moving anymore! You and your friends can live in different states and sit on computers and be busybodies together, without even picking up the phone! (Thank you Facebook chat)  I am just picturing old school Israel with women walking around with their iphones on Facebook in the marketplace just gabbing away. (It is kinda funny to think about) That is NOT what a kick ass wife does... she is BUSY. She WORKS. She is a diligent, steadfast, and a hardworking women. The kick ass with does not have time for idleness. 

• 'Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised' This verse is comfort but I think also a warning. Yes, it is nice to know that everything the world tells us we need or is valued, is honestly, meaningless... ie charm and beauty. That's a comfort. But, doesn't that put a whole bunch of pressure on your heart? It's really easy to pluck my eyebrows, dye my hair, put on make up, pay for fake breasts. But working on your heart, is hard. And painful. And not fun. And during the process you do NOT feel anymore beautiful. But, that's all God cares about. And that should be your husband's main concern for you. Fearing the Lord, and working on your heart will make you a kick ass wife.

So, as I ponder and dream about the next stage of life, kick ass wife hood (hopefully it is in there somewhere) I will prepare now. What's your next stage of life? Smile at it and then get prepared. I think that will make it all work out in the end.

-Hales