Sometimes my brain is so self centered.



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 It is that time in the semester, the first feeling of crunch time. I think there is something about the changing of the seasons that makes everyone kick it into high gear, transition mode. As my last year of undergrad has gotten into 'full swing,' I have found myself wondering about what comes next. I know, I have blogged about the stress of wondering about the next step before, but this weekend I found myself thinking about it often.
Today I talked to my dad, (who is so great) and he reminded me of something very important. An aspect of life that I often forget to partake in. In the midst of my ramblings and questions and what if's he stopped me and reminded me to enjoy.

In all the self evaluation, planning, analyzing, thinking, searching and exploring- I so often forget to take off my high heels shoes and pencil skirt and sit down, and enjoy a moment! Why do I find my value in how packed my planner is? Why do I find value in how busy my week can be?

I love my planner. I love making plans. I love making plans to make plans! I look at my planner on Sundays and configure when I will be with this person here or how I can minister to that person there- and it is just so absurd! The fact that I think I can control my life through making my own plans and still believe that I have given God the control is appalling. It's laughable really, sometimes my brain is SO self-centered. Why would I think that my plans are more important than making myself available to be used by God?

When thinking about what I want to do with my life or where I want to go with my life. What career path to pursue or what city to move to or where I should further seeks education- I realized I am thinking about the wrong person. Why do I think I have the right to say, ‘I want to choose a lifestyle which will give me the most out of my life?’ Shouldn’t it be ‘I want to choose a lifestyle in which He can use me for his glory…whatever that is, I’ll do it.’

My dad also encouraged me to find enjoyment in my everyday because then the next 'step' or 'thing' will come, and I will be ready to enjoy. It reminded me of Ecclesiastes, (Such a great book!)

"There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God, for apart from him who can eat or who can have enjoyment?" Ecc. 2:23-25

"Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might, for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going." Ecc. 9: 9-10

Also:

"Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away." James 4:13-15

Well, all this to say- Enjoy today. Enjoy your life. Take the time you need to assess your life, your motives, your heart... but don't forget to enjoy.

Here are some little things that I enjoy, you should try some too!

Paint your nails a FALL color! And black totally counts as a fall color!!!

Go for a drive and enjoy the changing seasons!

Make some YUMMY dessert!

Get some bubble gum and watch baby mama!

Watch some friends!

Organize your closet!

Who should tell me I'm a Christian?

This summer I have really been struggling with the idea of Christianity. Yes, I am a 'Christian' but No, I don't want to be associated with most Churches, and Christian movements across the United States.

My mind has been filling up with so many questions towards 'Christian People' the past summer, I'm surprised my head has not exploded. Being highly involved in Christians circles for most of my little 21 years of existence, I have made a few observations. One is:

 Christianity is turning into a mere 'checklist' today. 
It's like this:

1. Did I pray and ask Jesus to come into my life? Yes. (CHECK!)
2. Do I pray before I eat? Yes. (Check)
3. Do I read my Bible? Yes. (Check)
4. Do I have the physical appearance that is required of a Christian? Yes. (CHECK)
5. Do I go to youth group and sing in the praise band? Yes. (CHECK!)
6. Have I gone on a short term mission trip? Yes. (CHECK)
7. Am I going to a Christian College? Yes. (CHECK)
8. Will I be involved in some sort of Christan leadership? Yes. (Check)
9. I'm SO going to be in heaven. (Check)

When will this list stop? And do those things truly make someone a 'Christian'?

I would like to think that God is so much more concerned with our lifestyle, and hearts. What our motives are, and what type of character we have. Instead of getting caught up in this idea of following the Christian 'checklist' that has been created by Christians- why don't we take the time to focus on our lifestyles? 

When looking at Christians I feel like so many people claim the name simply because its what they always have done, its what their parents did, and most of the time- its easy. And sure, when following a checklist, and having everyone around you pleased with the choices you are making- that's easy.

Stop. Right there. Get a stamp and place it on my forehead because 

I' M G U I L T Y . 

The other night I was sharing my thoughts with my dad. I was venting and going on and on about my frustration with Christians and the church, and how we always have to be so polite, and not cause conflict or make people uncomfortable. And the more we started talking, and the deeper the conversation became, I realized:

 I'm living in Fear of other people. 

 I grew up in a church, in a Christian Highschool, and now attend a Christian University, all of those institutions attract people caught up in the 'checklist'. Stepping back and reevaluating when i matured the most in my relationship with the Lord was when I could care less about what people thought about me. 

See? The checklist makes other's people opinions and thoughts about you determine where you are in your relationship with the Lord. When in fact, the Lord is the only one who knows your heart, and character.

My dad said this-- "You live out of fear of God, not fear of men."

I would argue there is no cookie cutter way to be a Christian. Of course, understanding and believing the Gospel is essential for anyone truly having a relationship with Christ. After that, its about the lifestyle in which a person lives. As Christians we have a 'law' to follow, and we have convictions we live by.
My Dad put it like this [he's better with these types of phrases]

'It's not my responsibly to obey God with what he said, its my responsibly to please God with my obedience..'

He also further explained the idea that, we will want to follow the commands and standards God has for us, but after you grow, you will want to go beyond merely following the law to please the Lord's heart. 

Instead of having a check list, instead of comparing ourselves to other Christians, instead of having our basses covered by not committing the 'big sins'- Live for one person. At the end of the day, when everyone is asleep, and i finally get into my car, roll my windows down, and listen to some over played pop song, I have started to ask myself this question:

What did I do today that attributed to the life of God?

That one question, asked every day, will evoke a lifestyle change and maintain the focus on the only person's opinion who matters. 

Goodness, glad I finally got all that off my chest. 

Happy Wednesday! :]