This is for all my fellow women who are thrilled to be graduating but also a little scared to death.

It's been a long time. My life has been a whirlwind of craziness, but I am happy to report- good, fun, craziness! I went to Florida a couple weeks ago and visited my grandma, who is awesome. The entire trip was sincerely needed- I was so happy to get out of Lynchburg for a while. This weekend Katie is visiting and then next Justin and I are headed to Michigan. After that my old froomie, Nicolette is visiting and then a few short weeks later, my birthday. After that, the semester ends, graduation, wedding in Michigan and hopefully back to Lynchburg for another year with all sorts of new events! So, that's my update.

Here's my post: 

I am 22. A young, entrepreneur minded, spirited, emotional, highly opinionated and incessant planner. I  do not believe I am one of a kind and that's why I am writing this post. This is for all my fellow women who are thrilled to be graduating but also a little scared to death. I came to the conclusion that I am fearful of graduation because after that is when I really start to take responsibility for my own life. Yes, I am a hard worker and I have made some pretty decent decisions in my little 22 years. But all the decisions I am choosing after gradation- are my choices, I will be held responsible for them. I made the biggest decision of my life  after high school, I chose to go to Liberty University. This was a choice that made all decisions for me for the next four years. Now, I have no decision that will hold me captivate for four years.

Today I was reflecting on freshman year. Moving in the dorms along with 60 other girls, just about four years later and we are all on different paths. Some are married, some have children, some are still single. Others have mourned the loss of a loved one. A few are still here at Liberty and others are lost in the world trying to find the next step. Some girls suffered from sickness while others remain spiritually lost. No two stories are the same. No two girls share the same life. This got me thinking, many things can happen in four years.

As a woman I tend to get lost in the details. I over complicate things. I analyze and over analyze again. I read between the lines creating issues that do not even exist. I can be dramatic and blow situations out of proportion. And all these problems seem to double when I am job and house hunting. These qualities seem to ooze out of me as a consequence of the stress when searching for life post-graduation. Remember the whole control freak thing? This does not help during the entire planning post grad process. And sometimes I think I am the only one, does anyone else feel this way? I know they have to, but you all hide it very well!

 I've really been challenged lately, to trust something will be provided. Looking back at my life now, I made the hard decision of moving 13 hours away from home. While I was scared and cried every day for a long time the Lord faithfully provided me. He provided me with so much more than I ever needed and He will provide again. Waiting is difficult because I want him to provide for me how I want and right now. But often He will provide how He wants and in His time. So, that might mean I won't get the highest paying job or  have the most beautiful hardwood floor and spacious kitchen apartment. That might mean I will get not married in my perfect timing or I move closer to my family. It could mean I will be single for 40 years and move even further away from my family! But I can honestly say, the things in my life God took away- I know were for a purpose and even when it hurts or I'm confused or frustrated and think it is not how my life should go- He knows what my life should look like and He will provide. I have been reading through the book of  Daniel and I can see how God provides throughout the book. He took care of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. He took care of Daniel. He (eventually) provided for King Nebuchadanezzer to be rescued. Before the King is restored he said,

"...and I blessed the Most High, and praised and honored him who lives forever, for his dominion is an everlasting dominion, and his kingdom endures from generation or generation; all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, and he does according to his will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand or say to him, "What have you done?" ....for all His works are right and his ways are just and those who walk in pride he is able to humble."

I know he will take care of me. It just may not look like how I envisioned.

In the Bible Study I go to we are reading a book by Nancy Demoss. And in this book she asked questions to inspire self reflection, I have listed a couple that really got me thinking:

1. Am I purposeful and intentional in my use of time seeking to invest the moments of my days in ways that I will bring glory to God? 
2. Do I habitually verbalize the goodness and greatness of God? 
3. Do I speak works that are critical, unkind, untrue, self-centered, rude, profane or unnecessary? 
4. Am I content with the material resources God has given me? (This was big one for me)
5. Am I disciplining my mind to get to know God and his word better?

As I tend to get caught up in everything with planning and stressing, I often forget to remember how much the Lord has provided for me. When something seems to not work out- I go into panic mode. I am really working at training my mind and heart to have a thankful spirit. [I'm pretty sure that will be a life-long training] No matter what happens, I know the Lord is in control. And just because I don't have the 'next step' figured out yet- doesn't mean God doesn't. Again, like every other post, I am working on enjoying. Enjoying the time of the unknown. Enjoying and getting excited to see how the Lord will provide for me next. Enjoying the last months of my life now, because in May- it will all change. 

So, that's where I am right now. I hope wherever you are in life, you are enjoying. I hope you are not too lost in the unknown and not getting to upset about broken plans. You will be taken care of. You will be provided for. Here are some verses that have guided me through this process:

Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord. - Ps. 27:14

For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth visible and invisible, where thrones of dominions or rulers and authorities- all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things and in him all things hold together. - Col. 1:16-17

Before I lose Focus... AGAIN.

So, I figured something out about myself this weekend. Shocker right? When will I know everything and never make mistakes again? When people?! :] 

I cannot stay focused.

I'm not talking about ADD or ADHD [Are those the same?]. I'm talking about real focus. I know I wrote about this before, but here I am wrestling with the same thing again, self-centeredness. [Is that a word?]

My family had a family verse growing up [Pastor's kids] it was something like, "Do not be focused on your own interests, but be focused on the interests of others." I remember once this summer I tried to quote it and totally messed it up I said something like, "Only look upon your own interest not the interest of others." ....and I WISH that's what the verse said!! You would think after 22 years of one family verse, I would remember it. [I guess that's a parenting lesson in itself.]

The type of focus I am talking about has really nothing to do with that verse, but it's a good thought. :] [Insert fun family memory there.   Check.]

How often do I live a day thinking about myself? What I can accomplish, what mistakes I made, what messes I need to clean up, what relationships I need to fix, what meetings I need to attend, what wrongs I have done... and so on.

Lately I have found myself overcome by fear and worry. Why? Well, I think part of it is the phase of life I'm in, alot of things are changing. And  because I am focusing so much on ME.

But, why am I focusing on myself? Why am I depending upon myself? Why am I staring at my failures and faults? Why am I living as though God has made a mistake in planning my life? Do I really need to take ahold of my life and worry and plan and fix things because God isn't taking care of things?

I have lost focus. When I focus on ME, everything seems really scary. When I focus on my strength, everything seems impossible. When I allow my sin to slap me in the face, It begins to reign.

But, when I focus on Him. God's love, mercy, justice, grace and perfection, everything seems to be okay. Why do I worry? Why am I fearful? Because I am thinking about ME. [UGH. So self-centered.]

 “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? ...... But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." [[Matthew 6]]

And for the days you can't stop worrying: 

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. Be of sober casting all your spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen.  [1 Peter 5]

And: "Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God." [Colossians 3]

Off I go to open my planner and get my day moving. Here's for trying to stay focused and trying to be a little less self oriented. Happy Monday... and stop worrying! [In case you didn't catch it the first time... it doesn't add a single hour to your life! annnnnd you're not in control anyway :] ] 

Consider this disclaimed.

Readers- Please excuse all the large and annoying black boxes with the triangles in them! I'm not sure what happened or what I did to have them appear as huge eye sores for everyone to see... but I assure you, they will be fixed- quickly!

I have been reading some articles, watching videos, and as a result some thoughts have been floating around my brain. Some of the content I viewed became decently thought provoking for me. I was compelled to share all this information with you and also wanted to put it all in one place. I hope some of these things get your mind floating everywhere as well! 

*Disclaimer: Just because I post something, does not mean I totally 100% support it or that I am 100% against it. If you want to converse about it, let me know.

1. There is a Facebook App that allows people to set their last status, ever. I think creepy.. Would you want your last words to be on Facebook? I'm not sure. Read about it here.

2. And of course... I'm sorta sick of him now. 



3. Found this on my friends Facebook.. "Why I don't believe in Christian Accountability."

4. I wasn't too sure what SPOA was and ect. Here's a little summery of the whole issue. I found it helpful.

5. It comes out soon..... :]


6. Mark Driscoll interview entitled 'Just Grow Up.' Most thought provoking part for me:

You’ve talked a lot about twenty-somethings today living in a sort of extended adolescence. Why do you think that is?

I think, in particular, it’s young men. Perhaps to some degree it is young women as well, but we’re finding more women are getting better grades, more women are graduating high school, more women are graduating college, more women are buying homes, more women are doing things that are more adult and responsible. We’ve created this. It’s a sociological category. It used to be you go from “boy” to “man,” and now you go from “boy” to “guy” to “man.”

It’s just extended adolescence, where 20s, 30s, sometimes even in his 40s, he doesn’t really want to get married, doesn’t really want to have kids, doesn’t really want to pursue a career. He has a lot of hobbies, got a lot of buddies, watches a lot of porn, gambles, has a lot of fun, maybe plays in some band or is in a guild of World of Warcraft, or something ridiculous like that. And they’ve even got little [mottos] like, “It’s all good” and, “Bros before hos.” It’s just this whole adolescent, juvenile culture. .... and I think part of the problem is, as well, that the Church in large part has accommodated that.

Those guys tend not to go to church. If those guys do show up at church, it’s usually just to find a couple of gals to break the commandments with. And the Church doesn’t really know what to do with them, so the least likely person in America to go to church is a guy in his 20s who is single. Without knowing what to do with those guys, they commit crimes, they get women pregnant, they’re a drain on social services, they don’t raise their kids, they don’t contribute to church, they’re not getting ready to lead the next generation. I’d say it’s nothing short of a crisis, it’s a real problem.

While Driscoll was hounding on the men, I was left with the question, and what are women supposed to do?


7. Gay Rights.


8. I very much enjoyed this article "Women, stop submitting to men." Is there such a thing such as Godly or Biblical feminism?

9. Mark Driscoll and his wife wrote a book on marriage. One review is here.  [Also, Driscoll is speaking at Liberty this Spring. Insert [Eeeeeeeeek] here. I hope he talks about the previous article posted.]

10. A company used the new Facebook Timeline to create an Anti-Drug campaign.