Monday, September 26, 2011

Sometimes my brain is so self centered.

 It is that time in the semester, the first feeling of crunch time. I think there is something about the changing of the seasons that makes everyone kick it into high gear, transition mode. As my last year of undergrad has gotten into 'full swing,' I have found myself wondering about what comes next. I know, I have blogged about the stress of wondering about the next step before, but this weekend I found myself thinking about it often.
Today I talked to my dad, (who is so great) and he reminded me of something very important. An aspect of life that I often forget to partake in. In the midst of my ramblings and questions and what if's he stopped me and reminded me to enjoy.

In all the self evaluation, planning, analyzing, thinking, searching and exploring- I so often forget to take off my high heels shoes and pencil skirt and sit down, and enjoy a moment! Why do I find my value in how packed my planner is? Why do I find value in how busy my week can be?

I love my planner. I love making plans. I love making plans to make plans! I look at my planner on Sundays and configure when I will be with this person here or how I can minister to that person there- and it is just so absurd! The fact that I think I can control my life through making my own plans and still believe that I have given God the control is appalling. It's laughable really, sometimes my brain is SO self-centered. Why would I think that my plans are more important than making myself available to be used by God?

When thinking about what I want to do with my life or where I want to go with my life. What career path to pursue or what city to move to or where I should further seeks education- I realized I am thinking about the wrong person. Why do I think I have the right to say, ‘I want to choose a lifestyle which will give me the most out of my life?’ Shouldn’t it be ‘I want to choose a lifestyle in which He can use me for his glory…whatever that is, I’ll do it.’

My dad also encouraged me to find enjoyment in my everyday because then the next 'step' or 'thing' will come, and I will be ready to enjoy. It reminded me of Ecclesiastes, (Such a great book!)

"There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God, for apart from him who can eat or who can have enjoyment?" Ecc. 2:23-25

"Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might, for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going." Ecc. 9: 9-10


"Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away." James 4:13-15

Well, all this to say- Enjoy today. Enjoy your life. Take the time you need to assess your life, your motives, your heart... but don't forget to enjoy.

Here are some little things that I enjoy, you should try some too!

Paint your nails a FALL color! And black totally counts as a fall color!!!

Go for a drive and enjoy the changing seasons!

Make some YUMMY dessert!

Get some bubble gum and watch baby mama!

Watch some friends!

Organize your closet!

1 comment:

  1. i am such a planner too! its absolutely killing me that I dont know what I'm doing when i graduate but everytime I try to figure it out i just hear God telling me to wait on him. So basically i'm not supposed to know yet-which im cool with? or trying to be at least. crunch time is the worst thing ever and i feel deadlines stressing me out. but i agree, we need to enjoy in the middle of the stress! whether that be a starbucks chai latte or a good pandora jam sesh :)