Before I lose Focus... AGAIN.

So, I figured something out about myself this weekend. Shocker right? When will I know everything and never make mistakes again? When people?! :] 

I cannot stay focused.

I'm not talking about ADD or ADHD [Are those the same?]. I'm talking about real focus. I know I wrote about this before, but here I am wrestling with the same thing again, self-centeredness. [Is that a word?]

My family had a family verse growing up [Pastor's kids] it was something like, "Do not be focused on your own interests, but be focused on the interests of others." I remember once this summer I tried to quote it and totally messed it up I said something like, "Only look upon your own interest not the interest of others." ....and I WISH that's what the verse said!! You would think after 22 years of one family verse, I would remember it. [I guess that's a parenting lesson in itself.]

The type of focus I am talking about has really nothing to do with that verse, but it's a good thought. :] [Insert fun family memory there.   Check.]

How often do I live a day thinking about myself? What I can accomplish, what mistakes I made, what messes I need to clean up, what relationships I need to fix, what meetings I need to attend, what wrongs I have done... and so on.

Lately I have found myself overcome by fear and worry. Why? Well, I think part of it is the phase of life I'm in, alot of things are changing. And  because I am focusing so much on ME.

But, why am I focusing on myself? Why am I depending upon myself? Why am I staring at my failures and faults? Why am I living as though God has made a mistake in planning my life? Do I really need to take ahold of my life and worry and plan and fix things because God isn't taking care of things?

I have lost focus. When I focus on ME, everything seems really scary. When I focus on my strength, everything seems impossible. When I allow my sin to slap me in the face, It begins to reign.

But, when I focus on Him. God's love, mercy, justice, grace and perfection, everything seems to be okay. Why do I worry? Why am I fearful? Because I am thinking about ME. [UGH. So self-centered.]

 “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? ...... But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." [[Matthew 6]]

And for the days you can't stop worrying: 

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. Be of sober casting all your spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen.  [1 Peter 5]

And: "Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God." [Colossians 3]

Off I go to open my planner and get my day moving. Here's for trying to stay focused and trying to be a little less self oriented. Happy Monday... and stop worrying! [In case you didn't catch it the first time... it doesn't add a single hour to your life! annnnnd you're not in control anyway :] ] 

Consider this disclaimed.

Readers- Please excuse all the large and annoying black boxes with the triangles in them! I'm not sure what happened or what I did to have them appear as huge eye sores for everyone to see... but I assure you, they will be fixed- quickly!

I have been reading some articles, watching videos, and as a result some thoughts have been floating around my brain. Some of the content I viewed became decently thought provoking for me. I was compelled to share all this information with you and also wanted to put it all in one place. I hope some of these things get your mind floating everywhere as well! 

*Disclaimer: Just because I post something, does not mean I totally 100% support it or that I am 100% against it. If you want to converse about it, let me know.

1. There is a Facebook App that allows people to set their last status, ever. I think creepy.. Would you want your last words to be on Facebook? I'm not sure. Read about it here.

2. And of course... I'm sorta sick of him now. 



3. Found this on my friends Facebook.. "Why I don't believe in Christian Accountability."

4. I wasn't too sure what SPOA was and ect. Here's a little summery of the whole issue. I found it helpful.

5. It comes out soon..... :]


6. Mark Driscoll interview entitled 'Just Grow Up.' Most thought provoking part for me:

You’ve talked a lot about twenty-somethings today living in a sort of extended adolescence. Why do you think that is?

I think, in particular, it’s young men. Perhaps to some degree it is young women as well, but we’re finding more women are getting better grades, more women are graduating high school, more women are graduating college, more women are buying homes, more women are doing things that are more adult and responsible. We’ve created this. It’s a sociological category. It used to be you go from “boy” to “man,” and now you go from “boy” to “guy” to “man.”

It’s just extended adolescence, where 20s, 30s, sometimes even in his 40s, he doesn’t really want to get married, doesn’t really want to have kids, doesn’t really want to pursue a career. He has a lot of hobbies, got a lot of buddies, watches a lot of porn, gambles, has a lot of fun, maybe plays in some band or is in a guild of World of Warcraft, or something ridiculous like that. And they’ve even got little [mottos] like, “It’s all good” and, “Bros before hos.” It’s just this whole adolescent, juvenile culture. .... and I think part of the problem is, as well, that the Church in large part has accommodated that.

Those guys tend not to go to church. If those guys do show up at church, it’s usually just to find a couple of gals to break the commandments with. And the Church doesn’t really know what to do with them, so the least likely person in America to go to church is a guy in his 20s who is single. Without knowing what to do with those guys, they commit crimes, they get women pregnant, they’re a drain on social services, they don’t raise their kids, they don’t contribute to church, they’re not getting ready to lead the next generation. I’d say it’s nothing short of a crisis, it’s a real problem.

While Driscoll was hounding on the men, I was left with the question, and what are women supposed to do?


7. Gay Rights.


8. I very much enjoyed this article "Women, stop submitting to men." Is there such a thing such as Godly or Biblical feminism?

9. Mark Driscoll and his wife wrote a book on marriage. One review is here.  [Also, Driscoll is speaking at Liberty this Spring. Insert [Eeeeeeeeek] here. I hope he talks about the previous article posted.]

10. A company used the new Facebook Timeline to create an Anti-Drug campaign.

ENJOY!

This weekend was so much fun! I hiked up a mountain, I know, a freakin' mountain. And I cooked chicken! And green beans and mashed potatoes... nothing burned... although the potatoes did kind of explode... but, no one was hurt.. :]. I went to church and got a bunch of stuff done last night, I went to sleep feeling accomplished and ready for anything new.

And I woke up today thinking... I need to enjoy life more. I know I have blogged about this multiple times-- but I think that shows it is a continual left lesson for me. I get so caught up in the next thing, or what is new, what new goal can I accomplish this week, or what task will arise for me tomorrow. Gosh, it is EXHAUSTING.

I want to know what is going to happen with the rest of my life? I want to know if I should attend grad school? I want to know if I should move to a city or stay in a town? I want to know where God wants me next, I want to know who my spouse will be.... But, you know what, sometimes I think it is best if we don't know. That might be right where God needs us to be. Not knowing, for me, can produce anxiety or stress, when really, isn't not knowing the perfect time to demonstrate faith?

The only thing I do know, is that God has me here, right now, and that's all I have.

"Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away."

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Instead of sitting and thinking and planning and dreaming and wondering... I need to just stop, look at what I have in this moment and enjoy. Because, let's be real, if I don't start enjoying life now, I'm not sure I ever will. That's another thing I'm learning, practice good habits now, so you don't have to break bad habits later... but I'll leave that for a different post.

Enjoy your week!

-Hales

I start things. But, today I finished!

I am not a finisher. In fact, I am the opposite, I am a starter. I love thinking of awesome ideas and thinking of creative ways to do them, and then I get excited about them, and then I start them! But then, after I start my 'brillant' idea, a lot of the time, I realize the idea probably wasn't that awesome to begin with, and it is much harder then I thought it would be, so I stop. Not finish, stop. 

I write, every morning. I have to. (I have many thoughts, so sometimes writing them down actually makes my mind stop and think a little more in depth about them.) And this morning I finished my summer journal!  I finished! YAY! I went back and read my first entry and then I finished my last. I started on May 30th and I finished September 19th. I finished. Yay. There is something about finishing a journal and finishing reading a book that just makes me feel super accomplished. 

The one aspect of writing I love the most, is seeing how my life has changed over a time period of one journal. I can honestly say, my life has taken a drastic shift from May 30th to September 19. I can gladly say finishing this journal is an encouragement to me because this 'journal of my life' is over. I will never have to experience that time of my life again. But through the pages I can see the knowledge and wisdom I have acquired through those times. I've kept a journal since 2nd grade, and let me tell you, it is so funny to go back and read about things I worried over in elementary school, especially in comparison to now. I can only imagine I will be saying the same thing about my college journals a few years down the road.

Anyway, I guess I am just writing to let you know, I think you should journal. And I'll share my last thoughts in my journal with you...

Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Phil 3: 13-14.

I think this verse is a great start for my next 'journal life' and really, every day. Happy Monday, now go finish something!

I don't Think God Cares If I'm Happy.

Things bother me. A lot of things bother me. I think whistling is annoying. I don’t like blue, brown and black together. Slow drivers, crappy bubble gum, wrinkled shirts, long instrumental breaks, weak coffee… and the list can go on.  I get annoyed FAR to easily.

I am not a very patient person and unfortunately my face blatantly displays my emotions for the world to see, no matter how hard I try to hide my feelings.

This past semester I was very overwhelmed, and there were so many moments that I just wanted to jump in my car and drive away. I can fit everything I own in my car… so why not? But, with the help of friends and family I made it through my distressing semester.

And now here I am, home sweet home. I thought when I arrived here I would be so re energized and ready to go! And to an extent, I am. I always feel a 100 times better crossing that Michigan border. (who doesn’t?!)

But, moving home I have been reintroduced to all sorts of new circumstances.

One night last week, I just really felt as if I had reached the end of my rope, I was spent, done, drained in so many different ways. And my dad and I got into a long discussion about circumstances….

Have you asked yourself these questions?

• Why am I in this situation? 
• Why did God allow this to happen? 
• What am I supposed to do now? 
• Why isn’t God making me feel better? 
• How come things can’t just change?
• Why can’t I just feel better? 
• I’m trying REALLY hard…so why isn’t God making this any easier?

Sometimes in my prayers I just look up and say “WHY?!?’ I think God just laughs at me… “Oh, Haley, my little over dramatic daughter.”

But seriously, what am I supposed to do when things are not getting any better?

I’m not saying I have the answers, or that I am right, or that this is even scriptural… this is just me, trying to figure ‘things’ out.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I really don’t think God cares about our circumstances. I think God loves us and I think he loves us enough to put us in crappy circumstances. I really don’t think he is concerned with making us happy…I think he is much more concerned with how we respond to our circumstances.

This is much easier said then done.

But think about Job, Samson, David, Paul, Jesus…. They all had some pretty bad circumstances to live through and God didn’t magically make them feel better, or give them a new car to ‘cheer them up.’ These Godly men had to DEAL.

Is that what I’m supposed to do?

I guess, when life gives you some down right terrible circumstances, God is not concerned with making you ‘feel better’. God is concerned with your character and how you will deal with it.

This semester I had some pretty gloomy circumstances surrounding me and how did I respond? I wish someone would have said, “Haley, this is a time to test your character. This is a time to test who you are in Christ.” I think if I had thought about it that way, I would have dealt with things so differently.

While mistakes happen and I think they are necessary for growth, if I would have thought of my circumstances as a way to grow and test my character, I may have made some less dumb choices this semester.

People often said the definition of character is how one responds when no one is around. I think character is the way one responds when life is not going their way. Character is how someone chooses to deal with his or her issues in circumstances.

I think James 1 when Paul says “Consider it joy my brothers, when you meet trails of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” So, should I be joyful?

I’m not sure. Because I’m still hurt, I’m still healing; I’m still trying to deal with so many different circumstances…

But maybe instead of waiting for God to ‘make me feel better’ or ‘change my circumstances’ I need to deal with my problems and be joyful in my circumstances.

This is a time for me to question my character; this is a time for me to develop my character…. And I truly believe that’s what God cares about.

As Christians, I think it is easy to compare us to each other. I was recently confiding in a friend and they compared me to other people we know, trying to prove a point… but at the end of that conversation I couldn’t help but think, but it doesn’t matter what other Christians chose to do…

Isn’t Jesus Christ the one I should be comparing myself too? What did Jesus do with his circumstance? He prayed in the garden, and then did what God needed him to do. He lived and died through his circumstances.

Now, of course, it’s Jesus…He’s ‘perfect.’ But isn’t that what I should be striving after?

All I know is, God is not going to magically change my life into a perfect storybook. If we were all honest, everyone’s life is a mess. LIFE IS MESSY. I think the only way to truly live life, is to get involved… and that will leave you dirty, scared, jaded, disappointed, sad and many other things…

But isn’t it better to live with grass stains, scraps and dirt under your finger nails, than to be to far back you never even graze the top of the grass?

I think so.