Before I lose Focus... AGAIN.

So, I figured something out about myself this weekend. Shocker right? When will I know everything and never make mistakes again? When people?! :] 

I cannot stay focused.

I'm not talking about ADD or ADHD [Are those the same?]. I'm talking about real focus. I know I wrote about this before, but here I am wrestling with the same thing again, self-centeredness. [Is that a word?]

My family had a family verse growing up [Pastor's kids] it was something like, "Do not be focused on your own interests, but be focused on the interests of others." I remember once this summer I tried to quote it and totally messed it up I said something like, "Only look upon your own interest not the interest of others." ....and I WISH that's what the verse said!! You would think after 22 years of one family verse, I would remember it. [I guess that's a parenting lesson in itself.]

The type of focus I am talking about has really nothing to do with that verse, but it's a good thought. :] [Insert fun family memory there.   Check.]

How often do I live a day thinking about myself? What I can accomplish, what mistakes I made, what messes I need to clean up, what relationships I need to fix, what meetings I need to attend, what wrongs I have done... and so on.

Lately I have found myself overcome by fear and worry. Why? Well, I think part of it is the phase of life I'm in, alot of things are changing. And  because I am focusing so much on ME.

But, why am I focusing on myself? Why am I depending upon myself? Why am I staring at my failures and faults? Why am I living as though God has made a mistake in planning my life? Do I really need to take ahold of my life and worry and plan and fix things because God isn't taking care of things?

I have lost focus. When I focus on ME, everything seems really scary. When I focus on my strength, everything seems impossible. When I allow my sin to slap me in the face, It begins to reign.

But, when I focus on Him. God's love, mercy, justice, grace and perfection, everything seems to be okay. Why do I worry? Why am I fearful? Because I am thinking about ME. [UGH. So self-centered.]

 “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? ...... But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." [[Matthew 6]]

And for the days you can't stop worrying: 

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. Be of sober casting all your spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen.  [1 Peter 5]

And: "Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God." [Colossians 3]

Off I go to open my planner and get my day moving. Here's for trying to stay focused and trying to be a little less self oriented. Happy Monday... and stop worrying! [In case you didn't catch it the first time... it doesn't add a single hour to your life! annnnnd you're not in control anyway :] ] 

Sometimes my brain is so self centered.



Pinterest

 It is that time in the semester, the first feeling of crunch time. I think there is something about the changing of the seasons that makes everyone kick it into high gear, transition mode. As my last year of undergrad has gotten into 'full swing,' I have found myself wondering about what comes next. I know, I have blogged about the stress of wondering about the next step before, but this weekend I found myself thinking about it often.
Today I talked to my dad, (who is so great) and he reminded me of something very important. An aspect of life that I often forget to partake in. In the midst of my ramblings and questions and what if's he stopped me and reminded me to enjoy.

In all the self evaluation, planning, analyzing, thinking, searching and exploring- I so often forget to take off my high heels shoes and pencil skirt and sit down, and enjoy a moment! Why do I find my value in how packed my planner is? Why do I find value in how busy my week can be?

I love my planner. I love making plans. I love making plans to make plans! I look at my planner on Sundays and configure when I will be with this person here or how I can minister to that person there- and it is just so absurd! The fact that I think I can control my life through making my own plans and still believe that I have given God the control is appalling. It's laughable really, sometimes my brain is SO self-centered. Why would I think that my plans are more important than making myself available to be used by God?

When thinking about what I want to do with my life or where I want to go with my life. What career path to pursue or what city to move to or where I should further seeks education- I realized I am thinking about the wrong person. Why do I think I have the right to say, ‘I want to choose a lifestyle which will give me the most out of my life?’ Shouldn’t it be ‘I want to choose a lifestyle in which He can use me for his glory…whatever that is, I’ll do it.’

My dad also encouraged me to find enjoyment in my everyday because then the next 'step' or 'thing' will come, and I will be ready to enjoy. It reminded me of Ecclesiastes, (Such a great book!)

"There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God, for apart from him who can eat or who can have enjoyment?" Ecc. 2:23-25

"Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might, for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going." Ecc. 9: 9-10

Also:

"Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away." James 4:13-15

Well, all this to say- Enjoy today. Enjoy your life. Take the time you need to assess your life, your motives, your heart... but don't forget to enjoy.

Here are some little things that I enjoy, you should try some too!

Paint your nails a FALL color! And black totally counts as a fall color!!!

Go for a drive and enjoy the changing seasons!

Make some YUMMY dessert!

Get some bubble gum and watch baby mama!

Watch some friends!

Organize your closet!