I don't Think God Cares If I'm Happy.

Things bother me. A lot of things bother me. I think whistling is annoying. I don’t like blue, brown and black together. Slow drivers, crappy bubble gum, wrinkled shirts, long instrumental breaks, weak coffee… and the list can go on.  I get annoyed FAR to easily.

I am not a very patient person and unfortunately my face blatantly displays my emotions for the world to see, no matter how hard I try to hide my feelings.

This past semester I was very overwhelmed, and there were so many moments that I just wanted to jump in my car and drive away. I can fit everything I own in my car… so why not? But, with the help of friends and family I made it through my distressing semester.

And now here I am, home sweet home. I thought when I arrived here I would be so re energized and ready to go! And to an extent, I am. I always feel a 100 times better crossing that Michigan border. (who doesn’t?!)

But, moving home I have been reintroduced to all sorts of new circumstances.

One night last week, I just really felt as if I had reached the end of my rope, I was spent, done, drained in so many different ways. And my dad and I got into a long discussion about circumstances….

Have you asked yourself these questions?

• Why am I in this situation? 
• Why did God allow this to happen? 
• What am I supposed to do now? 
• Why isn’t God making me feel better? 
• How come things can’t just change?
• Why can’t I just feel better? 
• I’m trying REALLY hard…so why isn’t God making this any easier?

Sometimes in my prayers I just look up and say “WHY?!?’ I think God just laughs at me… “Oh, Haley, my little over dramatic daughter.”

But seriously, what am I supposed to do when things are not getting any better?

I’m not saying I have the answers, or that I am right, or that this is even scriptural… this is just me, trying to figure ‘things’ out.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I really don’t think God cares about our circumstances. I think God loves us and I think he loves us enough to put us in crappy circumstances. I really don’t think he is concerned with making us happy…I think he is much more concerned with how we respond to our circumstances.

This is much easier said then done.

But think about Job, Samson, David, Paul, Jesus…. They all had some pretty bad circumstances to live through and God didn’t magically make them feel better, or give them a new car to ‘cheer them up.’ These Godly men had to DEAL.

Is that what I’m supposed to do?

I guess, when life gives you some down right terrible circumstances, God is not concerned with making you ‘feel better’. God is concerned with your character and how you will deal with it.

This semester I had some pretty gloomy circumstances surrounding me and how did I respond? I wish someone would have said, “Haley, this is a time to test your character. This is a time to test who you are in Christ.” I think if I had thought about it that way, I would have dealt with things so differently.

While mistakes happen and I think they are necessary for growth, if I would have thought of my circumstances as a way to grow and test my character, I may have made some less dumb choices this semester.

People often said the definition of character is how one responds when no one is around. I think character is the way one responds when life is not going their way. Character is how someone chooses to deal with his or her issues in circumstances.

I think James 1 when Paul says “Consider it joy my brothers, when you meet trails of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” So, should I be joyful?

I’m not sure. Because I’m still hurt, I’m still healing; I’m still trying to deal with so many different circumstances…

But maybe instead of waiting for God to ‘make me feel better’ or ‘change my circumstances’ I need to deal with my problems and be joyful in my circumstances.

This is a time for me to question my character; this is a time for me to develop my character…. And I truly believe that’s what God cares about.

As Christians, I think it is easy to compare us to each other. I was recently confiding in a friend and they compared me to other people we know, trying to prove a point… but at the end of that conversation I couldn’t help but think, but it doesn’t matter what other Christians chose to do…

Isn’t Jesus Christ the one I should be comparing myself too? What did Jesus do with his circumstance? He prayed in the garden, and then did what God needed him to do. He lived and died through his circumstances.

Now, of course, it’s Jesus…He’s ‘perfect.’ But isn’t that what I should be striving after?

All I know is, God is not going to magically change my life into a perfect storybook. If we were all honest, everyone’s life is a mess. LIFE IS MESSY. I think the only way to truly live life, is to get involved… and that will leave you dirty, scared, jaded, disappointed, sad and many other things…

But isn’t it better to live with grass stains, scraps and dirt under your finger nails, than to be to far back you never even graze the top of the grass?

I think so.