Tuesday, March 27, 2012

This is for all my fellow women who are thrilled to be graduating but also a little scared to death.

It's been a long time. My life has been a whirlwind of craziness, but I am happy to report- good, fun, craziness! I went to Florida a couple weeks ago and visited my grandma, who is awesome. The entire trip was sincerely needed- I was so happy to get out of Lynchburg for a while. This weekend Katie is visiting and then next Justin and I are headed to Michigan. After that my old froomie, Nicolette is visiting and then a few short weeks later, my birthday. After that, the semester ends, graduation, wedding in Michigan and hopefully back to Lynchburg for another year with all sorts of new events! So, that's my update.

Here's my post: 

I am 22. A young, entrepreneur minded, spirited, emotional, highly opinionated and incessant planner. I  do not believe I am one of a kind and that's why I am writing this post. This is for all my fellow women who are thrilled to be graduating but also a little scared to death. I came to the conclusion that I am fearful of graduation because after that is when I really start to take responsibility for my own life. Yes, I am a hard worker and I have made some pretty decent decisions in my little 22 years. But all the decisions I am choosing after gradation- are my choices, I will be held responsible for them. I made the biggest decision of my life  after high school, I chose to go to Liberty University. This was a choice that made all decisions for me for the next four years. Now, I have no decision that will hold me captivate for four years.

Today I was reflecting on freshman year. Moving in the dorms along with 60 other girls, just about four years later and we are all on different paths. Some are married, some have children, some are still single. Others have mourned the loss of a loved one. A few are still here at Liberty and others are lost in the world trying to find the next step. Some girls suffered from sickness while others remain spiritually lost. No two stories are the same. No two girls share the same life. This got me thinking, many things can happen in four years.

As a woman I tend to get lost in the details. I over complicate things. I analyze and over analyze again. I read between the lines creating issues that do not even exist. I can be dramatic and blow situations out of proportion. And all these problems seem to double when I am job and house hunting. These qualities seem to ooze out of me as a consequence of the stress when searching for life post-graduation. Remember the whole control freak thing? This does not help during the entire planning post grad process. And sometimes I think I am the only one, does anyone else feel this way? I know they have to, but you all hide it very well!

 I've really been challenged lately, to trust something will be provided. Looking back at my life now, I made the hard decision of moving 13 hours away from home. While I was scared and cried every day for a long time the Lord faithfully provided me. He provided me with so much more than I ever needed and He will provide again. Waiting is difficult because I want him to provide for me how I want and right now. But often He will provide how He wants and in His time. So, that might mean I won't get the highest paying job or  have the most beautiful hardwood floor and spacious kitchen apartment. That might mean I will get not married in my perfect timing or I move closer to my family. It could mean I will be single for 40 years and move even further away from my family! But I can honestly say, the things in my life God took away- I know were for a purpose and even when it hurts or I'm confused or frustrated and think it is not how my life should go- He knows what my life should look like and He will provide. I have been reading through the book of  Daniel and I can see how God provides throughout the book. He took care of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. He took care of Daniel. He (eventually) provided for King Nebuchadanezzer to be rescued. Before the King is restored he said,

"...and I blessed the Most High, and praised and honored him who lives forever, for his dominion is an everlasting dominion, and his kingdom endures from generation or generation; all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, and he does according to his will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand or say to him, "What have you done?" ....for all His works are right and his ways are just and those who walk in pride he is able to humble."

I know he will take care of me. It just may not look like how I envisioned.

In the Bible Study I go to we are reading a book by Nancy Demoss. And in this book she asked questions to inspire self reflection, I have listed a couple that really got me thinking:
  1. Am I purposeful and intentional in my use of time seeking to invest the moments of my days in ways that I will bring glory to God? 
  2. Do I habitually verbalize the goodness and greatness of God? 
  3. Do I speak works that are critical, unkind, untrue, self-centered, rude, profane or unnecessary
  4. Am I content with the material resources God has given me? (This was big one for me)
  5. Am I disciplining my mind to get to know God and his word better?
As I tend to get caught up in everything with planning and stressing, I often forget to remember how much the Lord has provided for me. When something seems to not work out- I go into panic mode. I am really working at training my mind and heart to have a thankful spirit. [I'm pretty sure that will be a life-long training] No matter what happens, I know the Lord is in control. And just because I don't have the 'next step' figured out yet- doesn't mean God doesn't. Again, like every other post, I am working on enjoying. Enjoying the time of the unknown. Enjoying and getting excited to see how the Lord will provide for me next. Enjoying the last months of my life now, because in May- it will all change. 

So, that's where I am right now. I hope wherever you are in life, you are enjoying. I hope you are not too lost in the unknown and not getting to upset about broken plans. You will be taken care of. You will be provided for. Here are some verses that have guided me through this process:

Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord. - Ps. 27:14

For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth visible and invisible, where thrones of dominions or rulers and authorities- all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things and in him all things hold together. - Col. 1:16-17

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